Well is it any surprise as to why I’ve taken a bit of a blogging break this past month? 😉
There’s been so much I’ve wanted to share and say in this space these last few weeks but I made the (incredibly easy) decision to put my new job of being a mama before anything else, which basically means that anything requiring two hands (like blogging, cleaning, laundry, blow drying my hair, emailing, dishes, etc.) has been put on the back burner. A friend of mine mentioned not too long ago that when you become a mom to a newborn, you become a blob… a baby loving blog, and that’s seriously the perfect way to describe it, ha! Crew loves to be held, especially while he sleeps, which means I am one handed 99% of the time. (And let me just tell you – it is NOT easy to type a blog post or respond to comments and emails with one hand… especially when my right-handed self holds him with my right arm. Note to expecting mamas: don’t do this. You’re gonna need your good hand for all the new things you’re gonna do one handed!) When Crew is awake and wants to be held, the last thing I want to happen is him looking at me while I’m looking at my phone or computer screen. My heart longs for those moments when we stare at each other, so the minute he wakes up, any other distraction gets turned off.
Thank you all for not only being patient with me as I take my own little maternity leave, but for continuing to encourage me and share in my joy of being a mother to Crew. Someone asked me the other day if Ember Grey would now become a “Mommy Blog” now that I’m a mom, to which I answered, “Well, Ember Grey has always been a Lifestyle Blog… and that part will not change.” It just might look/read a bit different on some days, since my life now looks/reads a bit different. But I’m still me and therefore this blog is still this blog.
Before Crew was born, before we were even matched with his amazing birth mama, I wasn’t crazy about the idea of sharing his photos and stories about him in such a public way (in this space). And while I still will never share anything on here that is personal to Crew’s sweet adoption story (because that’s his story to share some day), I’m just kind of taking it as it comes and if I feel led to share stories or updates or pictures of him in this space – whether that changes as he grows or not – I’m just going to grab a hold of this new found mama confidence and go with it, until my gut tells me to stop.
This past month, I have been really curious to see if EG’s readership or social media following would change, and I have noticed that yes, it has. I have gained some new readers (most of them moms or families going through adoption), and I’ve also noticed that I’ve lost a few readers… who probably aren’t into the whole reading about my baby, to which I would say hey listen, I totally get it. I don’t necessarily expect anyone else – especially people who don’t know me personally – to care about my kid’s monthly updates or how I’m doing as a new mom. I don’t expect anyone else to think he’s the cutest, most genius baby that ever lived. But, I do care about all of those things and while EG has always been a mixed bag, it’s also served partly as a place where I can share parts of my life’s chapters… and being a mom is a new, and important chapter in my life. It’s also important to me that I share, as much as I can find the words, God’s faithfulness… something that was so clearly shown to Christian and to me throughout this 4+ year long journey to becoming parents. Why would I ever want to keep that to myself? I believe His wonderful ways should be shared and talked about for as long as He continues to give me the material to do so 😉
Something else that has been really heavy on my heart that I need to say here is this: if you are someone who is struggling with infertility or the desire to be a mom and aren’t sure how/when you might get there – and if reading my posts about my own journey of motherhood or about Crew make your heart hurt, please hear me say: I understand. There were times while struggling with our own infertility as well as our journey through adoption that I simply just stopped reading blogs I’d read for years, because reading about someone else’s joys of motherhood made my already aching heart ache to a point where it was just too much. But please also hear me say: you are in my prayers. And I don’t say that as a ‘pat on the back’ kind of ‘I’m praying for you’ way. Every night I pray for all of the women whose hearts are breaking and aching as they travel their own paths to motherhood. While my heart feels so much joy to be on the other side of it now, I still get a lump in my throat when I think about the really hard days and nights where I just felt so much pain. And truthfully? While I may be a mom now and am so, so grateful for it – I wouldn’t say I necessarily feel like I’m on the other side. The pain of the waiting part still feels fresh… I can still touch it. It still makes me cry if I think about it for too long. So if you’re in that place of waiting and hurt right now, please know you’re not alone. Please know you can always reach out to me. And most importantly, know that even in the times it feels like God is no longer walking beside you – He most certainly is. In fact, He’s leading you through it.
To all of my fabulous readers – please know that the core of EG will always remain, which means it will always be a safe place for us to come together to encourage and inspire, and to share all the ways in which God is good (ways that are never ending!). It will sometimes be a place where I’ll share my own personal stories when God gives me those nudges. It will sometimes be a place where I share funny moments between Christian and me. It will sometimes be a place where I get really brave and attempt to share my style/fashion pieces with you. And now it will sometimes be a place where I share updates on my personal journey of motherhood, and on our sweet boy Crew.
Thank you all for reading the words I so carefully type in this space with each post. Thank you all for your sweet comments, and for continuing to leave them even when I don’t have time to respond. Thank you all for extending such love and encouragement to me, especially in this last year as I publicly shared our choice to step on the adoption path. There is so much more about that I will share someday… someday when I have my second hand back 😉 But for now, I’m pretty darn grateful for my big little reason as to why I only have use of one.
What are you grateful for? (No, really. I want to know.)