sometimes it's random and that's okay

“Just do you.”

April 24, 2014

Have you ever felt like some days you’re just becoming blah? I think I’ve always been one of those creative types who wants to feel like I’m being creative every single day, in some capacity at least. There’s some sick part of me who loves change and a little bit of chaos (and please note I did not say “drama” – that’s very different and something I’m not a fan of.) A few days ago, X and I were on a walk through our neighborhood and I said to him, “I feel like maybe I’m not very funny anymore.” He looked at me with the most serious look and said, “What?! You are totally funny. Why would you say that?” So I said, “Well, because I was reading old entries from my private blog and I was seriously so funny back then. Like, lots of random stuff was going on every day and that blog was a huge mix of everything. It was fun.” So he asked me which posts I’d been reading and I told him, “The ones from when we were in California.” 
He reminded me that I most likely had a lot of random things to talk about because a lot of random things were happening in that time. We had just moved to a place I’d never even been to before, I didn’t know a single person there, I didn’t have a job (first time ever in my life), interviewing for said no-job was one of the worst and most hilarious times of my life, and we were sharing a car that was 97% of the time in Malibu with X while he was working. You can only take your dog on so many walks, guys, until it’s just like Yeah even the dog wants me to get a life.
“So I guess this means my life is kinda boring now? Because random and crazy things aren’t happening every minute of every day?” And X reminded me again that just the other day I’d told him this was the happiest and most relaxed I’d felt in years. Which is true!! And for that I’m SO grateful. But sometimes it does seem like I have more writing material when life is terrifying and chaotic, and I’m rather kind of boring when all is well. Do you guys ever feel that way? While I really am feelin’ this new “oh so this is what it is to be 30 now” and non-terrifying life, I must say part of me does miss the craziness for the mere fact of writing about it. (Is this why people become fiction writers?!)

I have noticed though that since starting this public writing life in the last few months, I’ve been sharing less and less about the day to day, which most often times holds the funniest and most relatable stories – and that’s really more of my blogging style anyway. I think part of the frustration comes from the fact that when you meet me in person, you pretty much see who I am right away. I am transparent, wearing my emotions on my sleeve. I am bubbly and will probably touch your arm as I talk to you (which I get is totally creepy to some people, I can’t help it.) So it’s like- how do I take who I am in person and explain that through this platform in a post or two?! It’s weird right?!

I would assume that maybe this temporary pause has also in part been some sort of unconscious effort to remain my wannabe-type-B-but-I’m-really-type-A structured self, and to protect myself from any possible judgement if I do just post some totally random “this is what happened today” kind of post. (Because I know you guys are going to judge me if I write about the time I went to Menards and told one of the helper guys I needed “lavender or charcoal gray screw hook thingys” to which I got a blank stare and then walked out with heart sunglasses as NSYNC sang over the loudspeaker.) 

(True story.) 
And yes, I’m really only (half) kidding about you guys judging me. (Turns out Menards doesn’t have any lavender screw hook thingys…. in case you were wondering.) 
So- all of this to say that I’m gonna switch things up around here. Throwing caution (and structure) to the wind. I think I’m still feelin’ out this whole public blog thing and figuring out what works for me and this space, so for now- I’m just going to “do me” as they say. (Did you believe me when I said that just now? Because I tried to tell X the other day, “Babe, just do you” and he asked me where I’d heard that from, if I’d gotten that phrase from Cops.) 
Do you guys ever feel like some days you’re not quite sure what your blog is? Or do you ever feel like you can’t just quite explain yourself without someone being able to see your 2309862 hand gestures that go along with what you’re saying?!

(Oh and for the record, I know I said that blogging was weird but it’s also totally awesome.)

linking up today with:
Lovely Thursdays    The Grits Blog

You Might Also Like

  • You are so not alone!! I wonder about this all the time, I think it's natural. But at the end of the day, this blog is yours and no other author is quite like you! So I'm excited to walk alongside you and check out the "less structured" version of you & the blog. It will be perfectly what YOU need. And if you're quirky enough we can't "get" you after one post… All the more reason to keep reading to figure you out;)

  • Totally agree with this! Be you because there is no one else like you (from dr Seuss of course) and the blog will reflect that.

    Totally loving the sunglasses btw. 🙂

  • Doing you is an awesome approach to blogging 🙂 Sometimes when I look back at my starter entries, I don't even recognize who wrote them! I was trying so hard to be one thing instead of just being me. Over time, you'll change, the blog will change, and the content will change. Just do whatever makes you happy! 🙂

  • Equally weird and awesome. And great advice from Cops 😉

  • YES!!! RIght there with you. I think so many of us are trying to have blogs but not lose sight of ourselves and our voices. Maybe that comes with experience and time? Maybe we reach a point where we just embrace ourselves and go with it. I love this post!

  • It is hard to figure out what you want to write about and what you want others to read about you. Just keep writing and you be you and it will feel more like you every day.

  • You do you girl, and we'll still love you for it 🙂

  • yes yes and yes. can completely relate to everything you said.

  • Hi Emily,

    I really appreciated the honesty of this post. I, like the others before me, can totally relate to your experience here. Sometimes I don't even know why I blog…I find myself doubting my writing abilities and everything else under the sun, but then I remember the happiness I get from composing those beautifully random posts. And, honey, it's YOUR blog, so don't worry about others judging you. I used to drive myself crazy wondering what others were going to think before I ever hit "publish," but now I just kinda post what feels good to me, ya know? Plus, in such a short time you've already built up a loyal following so people are going to love whatever you do, I promise!

    I'm excited to see where this all leads – I like your plan of "throwing caution (and structure) to the wind" and just going with the flow. I think folks can relate more to others when people are themselves, write in their own voice (how they would talk), and post about the things that are important & matter to them the most.

    PS: We have Menards in ND, too, and I loved that silly story & those glasses are killer. No judgement here! 🙂

  • Blogging is SUPER weird as a general rule. That is for SURE!
    Sometimes I think that structure gets in the way and defeats the purpose. My blog is kind of all over the place and I'm okay with that, because that's how I am… and I want my blog to be an accurate representation of who I am.
    I think it's all about trial and error in this little world of ours. Here's the thing: nothing you do will be "wrong" because it's YOUR space and as long as you follow YOUR heart/head then you'll be winning. 🙂

  • Yes. Emily. Yes bloggin' (as us Southerners call it) is weird. It's a strange little big invention that NO ONE is sure how to use. Which is what makes it so awesome! I think you lose the beauty of bloggin' when you trap yourself with the "rules".

    Oh yes, and to capture the hand gestures – just use a VLOG LOL

  • Oh yes. I couldn't relate to you any more! Blogging is so weird, and like you I feel like some days my life is totally boring! Hello 31 year old married life. Some days I feel like I'm pouring my heart out while others I'm just writing typical boring stuff. It's like I'm always doubting myself yet loving it at the same time. I try do "do me" because what else CAN we do? Write for yourself, soon enough you'll find like minded people and one can make all the difference.

  • Sometimes my blog feels like it becomes so routine, so boring, so…mechanical….? I totally understand where you are coming from. I have to take a step back, and most of the time, it takes something small to spark things back up. 🙂