Hi all! Happy Monday, and happy November! So crazy, I can’t believe how fast time is flying. I have really missed sharing my thoughts in this space; I’ve had plans of sharing parts of our adoption journey for quite awhile now but have instead chosen to spend that time with Crew – easy decision, of course 😉 BUT, now that Crew has started to sleep more (praise!) I’m hoping to use this month (National Adoption Month!) to start pounding out parts of our story. (I did manage to share last week on Instagram what the morning-Crew-was-born was like!) Today though, I’m so happy to bring Grateful Heart Monday back after a brief pause. And honestly, there might be some more GH pauses here and there, especially as we near the holidays and the crazy resumes. I will keep you all posted.
Before I get to what I’m grateful for this week, did you all catch the sweet giveaway I announced in this space last week?! The toys Christian and I helped work on are finally here and on shelves, and I’ll be giving each of the 6 toys away to 6 lucky winners. Giveaway ends end of day Wednesday so if you haven’t entered, click here to get more details.
Grateful. You guys, these days I can’t even think of that word without tearing up. Here I sit, it’s Sunday afternoon, totally tearing up as I sip coffee at a coffee shop down the street from our house – Crew is with Christian back at home. This is my first time since Crew was born that I’ve taken alone time to write, and of course all I can think about is my sweet little boy! Grateful. It’s a word that has always carried much weight in my heart, so much importance, but now? Now the weight that it carries is one I know only Jesus could understand… only He could know fully just how grateful my heart is for all of the blessings in my life, but especially my most favorite blessing: my child. I have so, so many thoughts on Family these days… it would take many blog posts to even crack the surface, and while my family has always been one of the most important things in my life – I can’t tell you how many times I just sit in awe over the fact that I have my own little family now.
Someone asked me the other day what the most shocking thing about Motherhood has been for me so far. Well, um besides the extreme lack of sleep (that I had NO idea would affect me like it did in that first month) and all of the boy things I’ve been forced to learn as a boy mom now, the biggest shock for me has been that I’ve been far less emotional than I thought I’d be… than I usually am… than I have been my entire life. At first I worried this meant I wasn’t connected… one night, in my sleep deprived new mama brain, I even went as far to fear that this meant I was a bad mom because I didn’t tear up every time I talked about my son. Before Crew was born (but when we were already matched with him and awaiting his arrival), any time I pictured myself with him and as a mom, I pictured me walking around just crying like all the time, carrying bags and bags of kleenex, because I was just so overcome with gratitude. And then when he was here, it shocked me that I wasn’t this blubbering mess. Instead, I felt this complete calm… peace. I did feel gratitude… like, extreme gratitude. But instead of it breaking me, I felt strong. I felt more woman than I ever have in my life. And it was only recently that I realized, me not being super emotional doesn’t make me a bad mom… in fact, it’s kind of the opposite. Crew has brought out a part of me I think I’ve needed for a long, long time. Calm, strong, empowered. (And please, don’t get me wrong- there have been MANY nights where sheer panic has set in and I’ve worried myself sick over every cough or sneeze he’s made.) (I have learned to chill since then.) (Mostly because I’m too exhausted to worry about stuff like that anymore haha!) How crazy awesome is it that a little teeny tiny human being could do that for me? Give me so much strength? He is one special human and I can’t wait to tell him these things when he’s old enough to understand.
Just when I’d accepted the fact that the super emotional me I’d always known had transitioned into this still-me-just-different-kind-of-Emily, I find myself sitting at Joe Muggs coffee… crying as I type the word Grateful into my keyboard. So perhaps I haven’t changed that much after all 😉
I have soooo many more thoughts on this topic, as well as how becoming a mom has changed me, but I’ll save that for another post. Today and this week, I’ll be giving extra thanks for all of the ways Crew has changed me and grown me as a person, as a woman. And Family, yes. I am beyond grateful for my little family… the fact that “us” now includes our third person… and that it will always, always be that way now… forever. The Three Musketeers.
Crap. Here come the tears again.
What are you grateful for?
- Link up below and join the rest of us in starting each day this week with a grateful heart. Each week’s linkup will be open until Friday night!
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