Today I’m giving you a glimpse into a situation that is far from picture perfect. I’m letting you in on the “real life” experience I’ve had this past week, because I HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE.
While I’m not an official germaphobe (although I’m pretty dang close), I am definitely a bugaphobe, a hundred times over. And no one warned me when we moved to Tennessee that ants are “a thing” here. Like, a big thing. I won’t go into details (because I’d cry) but let me just tell you- the ants did not skip our house this summer. We’ve had a bug guy come to our home monthly since we moved in (again, bugaphobe) but apparently July and August are “big months” for these tiny devils, and three days after the bug guy sprayed our house, the ants came back with a vengeance. Basically, I went through an entire bottle of Raid in one night. (I’m not exaggerating.)
I was up until 2am on Sunday killing these suckers and then up at 5am Monday morning killing more because they JUST. KEPT. COMING. It was like a horror film! (And I’m not going to lie- for a split second I wondered how wrong it would be to start drinking at 5am… because in the song they don’t clarify AM or PM.) (I didn’t do it, don’t worry.) Then I spent the entire day cleaning, scrubbing, washing rugs, etc. And then I killed more of them on Tuesday. I swear, I was obsessed – freaking out with each new ant I found, yelling out loud “DIE! DIE!” while outside. (Apologies to our neighbors.) I’d already called the bug guy first thing Monday morning but the earliest they could get back out to our house wasn’t until Wednesday afternoon… so it would be up to me to take matters into my own hands until he could get over here. Are you starting to worry for me? Because you should, for the love. Jesus, take the wheel!
I jumped in the car first thing Wednesday morning, heading straight to Home Depot with plans to RUN to the bug spray aisle. When I got there, I was surprised to see literally 14 other people (yes, I counted. #fortheblog) – feeling almost relieved to know that no, it wasn’t just our house. (This is a whole other story about me trying to convince Christian our house was cursed.) I watched each person as they carefully looked at the 4 rows of bug killer, and then watched each person choose their poison (see how that worked in there?) and then “casually” put the same items in my own cart. A few things here, mkay? 1. I was acting like a complete psycho, watching these people choose their bug spray, and 2. if you didn’t know one could casually put ant killer into a cart, well now you do.
Oh, and 3. Please note that yes, I took this photo while standing in the bug spray aisle. #fortheblog
I drove home with the windows down, laughing as loud as I could – kind of like the wicked witch in Wizard of Oz. I got home, walked into the kitchen with my 3 full bags, took one look at Christian and said, “THEY ARE GOING DOWWWWWN.” He looked at me with wide eyes and said, “Em, you’re acting totally crazy” and he was right but it was too late for me to recover from any of it. I quarantined The Babes, put on gloves and a mask and I. WENT. TO. TOWN. Never in a million years did I think I would take so much joy in bug bombing ants, but I did.
You can bet your booty I poured myself a glass of wine at 5PM while X bluntly said to me, “This is the south, Em. You’d better just deal!” Yes, well now that I have all of my cans of bug spray and this glass of wine, I will deal just fine. The adventure didn’t stop there either. Thursday was more cleaning. By the evening I was calling myself Cinderella (pre-fairy godmother, obviously).
Can you tell it’s been one heck of a week?! I’m planning on getting out of the house this weekend… I think it’s imperative at this point. Happy weekend!