faith grateful heart monday The Road to Love

We’re in the middle. (An Adoption Update)

October 5, 2015

Happy Monday πŸ™‚ Let’s catch up a bit today, ok? Many people have been asking if there has been any progress or any updates with the adoption and I thought it might be time for me to take that next step and share an update of sorts on here. I’d originally planned on sharing parts of our journey in an organized fashion – starting with the ‘why’ as well as at the beginning – and I will definitely go back to the beginning and share those parts at some point (because they’re equally as precious and important to our journey) but today? Today we’re in the middle… and I feel the desire to share bits and pieces of what that looks like, means, and feels.

Here are some facts:

We completed the home study part of our (domestic) adoption in July and are now in “the waiting period.” This means that we are waiting to be matched with a birth mother.

Here are some thoughts:

For those of you who may not know, the home study portion of the adoption process is a lot more than your social worker coming to make sure you don’t live in a dump and that you have working fire alarms πŸ˜‰ The home study includes the most paperwork you’ve ever filled out in your entire life, it’s also counseling, educational classes, more paperwork, more classes, doctor appointments, home visits, more counseling, and again- more classes and paperwork. For some it can take months to get through this process, fortunately for us it only took about 4 weeks. So, because I’m a “do-er,” in some sick way I actually enjoyed this part of the process because we could see the progress. We could feel it. We were checking off boxes. (I love checking off boxes.) We were getting that support each week from our social worker and other adoptive parents who attended the classes and panels. But when all of those things are over and you’re officially “on the list” to be matched with a birth mother? It’s like radio silence. There’s nothing else to do but to wait… and some days it feels like this part of the process is just going to go on and on and on. And I know itΒ won’tΒ last forever, I know this. But this is how it feels right now.The waiting period can be short (as in any day), or it can be really long (as in a year+) – we just don’t know. But I can tell you this – it doesn’t matter how long or how short you wait – the waiting period of the adoption journey is really hard. It downright sucks and I can say that because we’re in it right now. The actual waiting isn’t necessarily even the hardest part either, but for me it’s the not knowing what the waiting time looks like. We have no due date, we have no idea how long this part will last, and yes- even though I know without a doubt “this will all be worth it!” (of course it will!) – that doesn’t mean there aren’t some hard days here and there. When you’re in the waiting part of adoption – the waiting part when you haven’t yet been matched – it seriously feels like time has stopped and that you’re just sitting there in the dark.

Hear me say this: I am so grateful to even be on this adoption journey. I am honored that God would call us onto this road to love. I am thankful to have completed the home study part of the process and to be in the place where one day we will get “the call.” But it’s also the hardest part of the process thus far, for me. People are dying for an update and it’s hard to not have an update to give except to say, “we’re waiting… and we could be waiting for awhile.” I’m so happy that our family and friends and all of you who visit this space each week know that we are on this journey and that you share in our excitement of this journey – I have LOVED sharing our happy news. But I’ve also reached the point in this journey where it’s time to share some of the parts that are hard and, some days, my heart just really aches.
I came across that quote a few weeks ago and thought, DUDE, YES. That is so how it is! We’re in the middle part of this adoption journey and some days the silence is uncomfortable, some days it’s blinding. BUT – my hope and faith do not lie in how I think things might turn out or when they will change. My hope lies in Jesus, in His plans for me that He has already said are GOOD. My hope lies in knowing that He’s not only in one of the parts. He’s in all the parts– the beginning, middle, and end. He’s with us right now as we wait, and even though most days it feels as though we’re sitting still and time has stopped, He reminds me that no – each day we wake up and we say, “Jesus, we’re following you today.” And when we wake up again tomorrow? We’ll get up and follow Him again and again and again. And that is something. That is an update worth mentioning. I am so grateful to be loved by a God who asks me to follow Him each and every day!!
The adoption journey is not a set of boxes to check off… but you know what? No true journey really is. If you are stuck in the middle of your own journey right now… if you are hurting through the wait and praying that next chapter comes quickly, know that He is there with you. Know that He will not leave you. And know that in the times you let go of His hand, He continues to offer it to you over and over and over again. All you have to do is grab ahold.


What areΒ youΒ grateful for?Β 

Link up below and join the rest of us in starting each day this week with a grateful heart. Not enough time to write a Grateful Heart post today? No worries!Β This linkup will be open until Friday!Β 

1. Link up to your Grateful Heart post, not just your blog’s homepage, andΒ please link your post back to Ember Grey (via link or GH button) so that others can link up too! *Any posts that do not have to do with this GH topic or those that do not link back up to this blog will be deleted.Β 

2. If you use #gratefulheart on Twitter, tag me and I will retweet! @embergreyblog

3. Carry on and be grateful! XO!
Grateful Heart w/ Ember Grey

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  • Katie @ A Beautiful Little Adv

    Thank you for the update, I have been thinking of you. I can’t imagine how frustrating, nerve wracking, and anxiety filled these days of waiting must be. I would be going crazy! The only thing I can compare it to is waiting to find out if we would ever get pregnant, month after month. But of course this is in its own world. I understand that there has to be a lot of red tape in adoption to insure that these children end up in the best forever home but I just wish it was easier for deserving parents like you. So many children in need. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts.

    • It is similar for sure πŸ™‚ It’s hard to wait for your baby! Worth it of COURSE but still hard. Thank you, Katie!

  • I always say that waiting is time stood still…or at least it feels that way. Whether it is for a test result, a child in surgery, a teenager out for the evening and pass curfew, a loved one to come home and the adoption process. I know in my own life waiting has been a test of sorts for me and when I fail it miserably God is always there to remind me that His ways are not my ways. His timing is perfect. I can’t say from experience what this process is like for you and Christian, but I can say this, the waiting period is needed in all things because it is preparing us, whether we know it or not. You wrote such wise words here.

    • I remind myself of that daily too πŸ™‚ His ways are not my ways and I’m SO glad for that, ha!

  • that was such a beautiful post. We’ve dealt with our own waiting period and it truly is the toughest part. One that can make you feel lost, unprepared and eager. It truly is a test and I’m glad that you have God with you, guiding and loving, and comforting you and your family while He prepares the perfect birth mother and little one for you. Much love and prayer and strength in this time.

  • I hope the waiting period goes quickly for you guys. It will happen at the perfect timing!

  • At least you know there is a light at the end of your tunnel! You have gone through all the necessary steps and even though the waiting period sucks, you know THERE IS a sweet lil baby in your near future! πŸ™‚ and you will make an amazing mommy!

  • Liz

    So, so beatufiul. I love this!! I love your photo and quote…so perfect to remember!! <3 You have such amazing faith and strength, and I know that the timing will be completely perfect, even if it is hard to understand. Patience is such a tricky notion to grasp. Prayers for you and your incredible family…you are going to be SUCH a great mama! xoxo

  • Thanks for opening up and sharing where you’re at with your adoption journey. That quote is beautiful and perfect to remember. Keep up the strength and I hope your waiting period isn’t too long!

  • Patience is hard in every aspect of life. But I know your journey will be worth the wait!

  • Thank you for the update! You’ve been on my mind but didn’t want to ask. Continuing to keep you all in my prayers!

  • Thank you for the update. I can’t imagine how hard it is just to sit and wait, but I know you will be great/amazing parents! πŸ™‚

  • I wouldn’t say we’re in the middle, still very much in the beginning, but we are in a period of waiting. Waiting for a spot in the course we need to take before moving on to the next step. (And more waiting.) The not knowing how long the wait will be is definitely one of the most challenging things I’ve ever experienced!

    • Gosh, Sara- I either didn’t read or didn’t remember that you guys are adopting! Lady, I am here for you! Please email me any time. I’ve found that finding the support and encouragement within the adoption community is so important. You and your hubby will be in my prayers!

  • Thanks for the update! Praying for you in this waiting time … waiting is so hard. <3

  • Ahhh this brings up so many memories for me! The whole paperwork, home study after home study, questions after questions, and then… the wait….. Oh man were we anxious! So many happy thoughts and prayers and smiles for ya’ll as you go through this. I cannot WAIT for you guys to be paired up with the mother and then begin that relationship with her. So beautiful!

  • How incredible that you guys are adopting! I’m sure the process can be mentally taxing on you both, I’ll send some prayers your way!

  • Congratulations on making it to this point, guys! You’re little one doesn’t know it yet, but the wait will be so worth it for him/her as well- you’re both going to be spectacular parents! Thank you for sharing your progress and your hearts with us while you’re on this journey. You’re both very, very inspiring!

  • Thank you for the update. This is the part that I’m nervous about if we go down that route. However, we have been the “the middle” for a while in so many other aspects of our life right now. Waiting is so hard. I’m really not good at it at all. I appreciate you discussing the more difficult parts of the process.

    • By no means was this meant to discourage adoption, Diana! We would do this again and again, it has already been such a blessing to our lives! I believe fully that if God calls you to something – He will get you through it. It may not always be easy, and all the more reason to understand the importance of community within your journey, but it’s a blessing nonetheless. I just also think it’s important to share the hard days along with the celebrations. This is how we can help pull each other through πŸ™‚ If you and your husband choose to take the amazing road of adoption, know that you can find encouragement & support from me. xo

  • Hi Ember,
    Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful journey! Hang on, one sweet day at a time!

    Kim @huntandhost

  • Loved reading the update… my heart & prayers are with you through this journey! Hoping the middle passes quickly, and you & X are welcoming home your baby soon <3

  • How exciting for you! And well done on getting everything done in 4 weeks… that’s amazing! Keeping you guys in my prayers πŸ™‚

    • Thank you, Sarah! There are definitely more days full of excitement than there are hard days!

  • What a beautiful quote! Something that is so true and verbalized perfectly. Thanks for sharing the update with us. I have been wondering where you are in the process and have hesitated to ask. Thinking go you hues and loving your perspective not only on this but on life as well. That’s one lucky child coming your way.

  • chall1018

    That quote. YES! Love it. And I am praying for you & Christian, the baby and the birth mother as well.

  • Thank you for sharing your journey. I’ve felt the calling since I was little that I should adopt. I want to wait a few more years but the process seems daunting because there are so many different ways to do it. Foster to adoption, private adoptions, international adoptions. Just remember, all in God’s time πŸ™‚

    • There ARE so many different ways, which is also pretty cool because I feel like God has created us and called us to specific ones. It’s exciting!! πŸ™‚ You have a cheerleader in me, Jackie!

  • That quote is SO good. I think you are doing an amazing job keeping the right perspective during all of this!

  • What a beautiful post. I know how much the waiting period sucks. Not for this, but I’m in a similar (although very different) waiting period right now. We’re TTC after a miscarriage and while I know that some day, this waiting will be worth it, it’s not always easy to see right now. Because right now, it feels awful. Unending. And so miserable at times. But the wait will be worth it. I know that. And thank you for a much needed reminder of that.

    • I’m so sorry, Ashley. It does feel awful, I am familiar with that wait (and loss) and it’s so very hard – that wait and loss is unlike anything else. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I think that’s one of the reasons I chose to begin to talk about some of the hard and painful chapters in such a public way – it’s so important for us to support and encourage each other, as well as lend a shoulder for the really sucky days. The wait WILL be worth it – we know this in the deepest part of our hearts! He is there! XO!

  • that quote is fantastic (totally just stopped to appreciate the midday sun) and thanks of the update. i love checking boxes and thinking about the timing of everything too so that would be tricky! hang in there with it, as you obviously are πŸ™‚

    • I find myself stopping to look at the midday sun now too πŸ™‚ Thank you, Chelsea!

  • YES! He IS in all the parts!! Such a good reminder. And a really interesting quote…I’ll be mulling on that for sure. I know that waiting is hard…I am still praying on all of this for you friend. Remember, progress is being made, whether you can see it yet or not! XO

  • Danise Jurado

    God is holding your hand through all the parts… the beginning, the middle and the beautiful day that you hold your sweet one in your arms… and then it starts all over… the beginning and the middle…. and again, the beginning and the middle… until that beautiful day when we stand before our maker and enter into our rest… the cycle of this beautiful life we get to live. Showers of grace and blessings over you during this “Middle season” of life. xo πŸ™‚

    • AMEN! Thank you for your sweet note of truth & positivity, Danise πŸ™‚

  • Ashley Spykerman

    Praying for you. I understand the difficulty of waiting through my husband and my struggle with infertility. I am sorry that you have hard days, but I really respect your perspective. He is in all parts. What a beautiful thought. Best wishes in your journey.

    • Ashley, thank you so much for this note. I’m so sorry for tough road you’re currently on – it’s one I’m familiar with as well and it too is not an easy one. Don’t lose hope – His plan for you and your husband does not change πŸ™‚ xo

  • You have the most beautiful heart of anybody I know. That child, when he or she arrives, is going to be so lucky to have you!

  • I absolutely LOVE this post and it’s such a beautiful reminder that everyone’s journey to parenthood is so different, yet we’re all bound by His love and desire for you. Thank you for your beautiful thoughts on this process and waiting, not knowing for sure how long, is excruciating I can only imagine. However, one thought that a blogger shared with me soon after I miscarried earlier in the year was that God does indeed have a plan for us all even though we may not see it’s direction at the time. It’s not just about waiting for A baby, but rather YOUR baby. I know you’re going to be fantastic parents and it’s a matter of waiting for YOUR baby to arrive to you that will just fill your heart with immense joy. I’m praying for you and thank you again for making the courageous choice to share this journey with us all πŸ™‚

    • Oh for sure!! πŸ™‚ That’s what we’ve been saying since the very beginning – we’re not waiting for A baby, we’re waiting for OUR baby. Some days the wait is just tough! Thank you so much for your sweet words, Kelly!

  • I definitely understand where you’re coming from about at least being able to see the progress before. Waiting is awful in general… I can’t even imagine how consuming it must be for a process as important as this! Thinking about you.

    • Waiting can totally be awful, agreed! πŸ˜‰ Thanks for the sweet note, lady!

  • Praying for y’all during this journey!

  • I hate being in the middle of anything. Especially when I don’t know what the end result will look like or how things will play out. I am praying for you guys throughout your journey. And thank you for sharing since I am sure it has been hard to put your heart out there.

  • I’m so glad that you are letting us be a small part of this journey. My excitement for you is like huge and I pray every day that you get “the call” and then you text me that it happened!

  • I can’t imagine the waiting and not knowing part. But the part when you get to meet your child? Truly breathtaking. Just keep focusing on that, because it will be happening before you know it πŸ™‚

  • I hate waiting, but it would be worth it. What agency are you using? My hubby and I are wanting to adopt. We know the expense is there, so it will be another 3 years probably, but we are doing as much research as possible so we can be ready. I’m excited to read about your adoption process.

    • Hey Ashley! We are doing domestic adoption so we’re using an agency here in TN. Researching beforehand is really smart. There are also quite a few ways to raise money for an adoption (as well as grants you can apply for if you find one that fits).