When I first moved to Chicago, I’d purchased the most fashionable “winter” coat I’d ever owned. As soon as the temps dropped and the first snow fell, I ran to my closet to put on my official outfit, only to find that once I’d actually gotten outside, I was freezing. I quickly decided I needed a much bigger, heavy duty coat, and that while I may end up looking like the abominable snowman, dang it at least I’d be warm. I did find a warmer coat… unfortunately though it would make me appear 900 lbs and it was hideous and I’d even nicknamed it The Quilt, but that thing is cozy and toasty and has kept me warm all these years. Plus, it’s so big and the hood comes way down over my face so no one knows it’s me. Which totally feels Magnum P.I. you know? (And that’s cool.) (Obviously.)
Let’s fast forward to earlier this week.
It was my first time using this particular Dry Cleaner’s in our neighborhood. Chicago was having a big snow storm so I threw on The Quilt, headed out the door and to the Dry Cleaner’s. Just as I was about to pay for our $90 worth of dry cleaning, the lady ringing me out gave me a big smile and goes, “Aww!” …Well this is random and nice and kinda weird, I thought. I figured she’d noticed in her computer system that I was a new customer or something so I thought ‘cool’ and gave her somewhat of an acknowledgment nod and a big smile back. Then she asked, “Do you know what you’re expecting?” I thought, yeah, clean clothes but instead I said, “What?” and she goes, “If you’re having a boy or a girl, do you know?” My face turned bright red, hers did too as she realized she was clearly mistaken, and I said, “Oh, it’s The Quilt. Um, I’m not pregnant. I’m just wearing a huge coat. There’s a blizzard outside.” And then I proceeded to make little pointing motions to the window as both she and I continued to make weather small talk (and you all already know how I feel about weather small talk – THE WORST).
So there you go. I suppose the older you get, the less you care about what people think? Which is why I’ve now confessed to you all about The Skullet, The Granny Panties, and now The Quilt. Fortunately this puts me out of confessing material for awhile so I hope you all feel pretty good about this. (Just give it time. I’ll be back.)